i think my tv is drunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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