1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
