She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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