Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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