I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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