when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she woke up with a sticky ear
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
