I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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