Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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