either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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