i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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