so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
