Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
