Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I deserve to be covered in dicks
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
