This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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