Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
