Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I want to fling myself into the sun
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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