you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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