Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
