My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
