I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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