Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
