Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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