dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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