wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
