I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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