Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
