3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
