halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
