I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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