according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
