so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's never too late to be topless.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
