a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
