My room smells like vodka and shame
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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