She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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