he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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