I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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