I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
