Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize