I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
