Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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