And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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