those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
