I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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