They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
