I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
