Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
