"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
