haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
