just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
