Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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