oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
