So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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