Reggie can tackle my bush.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
