So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
