Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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