You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
