Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
