Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
