he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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