Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
