I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
