Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
