Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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