dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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