yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
