2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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