at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
