he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
