The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
