Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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