I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize