1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
