I'm so fucking centered right now
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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