and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
