So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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