They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
