So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
