Duck Duck Cougar?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
