someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
