Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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