Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
