My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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