I molested 6 butterflies tonight
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
