Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You left your phone here
Wait...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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