sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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