I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
